


Caliban

by LynyrdSkynyrd



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-06
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-10 20:33:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3302549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LynyrdSkynyrd/pseuds/LynyrdSkynyrd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Teach me.” His long fingers trace the bare skin of Leo's torso. They are still lying on the mattress, only a blanket covering their sweaty, naked bodies. Neymar looks up at Leo. “Teach me how to draw.”</p><p>Or alternatively, Leo is an artist and Neymar is an unhappy young guy who is married to an older man. </p><p>Leo falls in love with Neymar's body and Neymar falls in love with Leo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. VERDE

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language (actually my English sucks) so, please, forgive any grammatical errors or typos.
> 
> You can find me on [tumblr](http://franzkafkaesque.tumblr.com)!

For some people, there is no better smell than a newly opened tube of paint. Or feeling a brand new canvas under your fingertips. These ones are really dedicated people, when they lay their heads down, on the ceiling or when they closed their eyes, they keep seeing colors. And colors blend together, give birth to new ones and creates new shapes and patterns. What is the meaning of all this? Maybe it would be more logical for us to leave these questions to philosophers.

 

Leo doesn't like to think with words. His thoughts and ideas were always crazy and colorful. Make you feel like you are on drugs like Dalí paintings. Maybe this is why he was painting all the time. If he doesn't materialize these images and thoughts in his head, he would go mad. And maybe this is the reason he always felt different especially when he was young. People always misunderstood him for putting distance between him and others but the truth is he only likes to be alone and think with colors. He didn't dedicate himself to drawing, just like many others, he found his way. Drawing was so natural for him that he's never been competitive. It was no competition after all, he just likes to draw and simple as that. So, no, he was not dedicated but not because he was not passionate, it was always a part of him. There was no another way of living for Leo. What would he do if he was not drawing? No one knows, including Leo himself. He needs to draw to live.

Maybe this is why he became so close with Gerard and Cesc. Even though Gerard is far from being serious, he is also very protective. And from the first day they met, even though Leo tried to put distance between them, Gerard was stubborn and it didn't push him like others, no, Gerard tried to break Leo's walls and succeed. Maybe Leo just let him. Maybe he needed it. The reason is unimportant. Gerard is always a big fan of things Leo do, even when he doesn't understand. And somehow this always made Leo feel better. He doesn't need anyone's approval. But sometimes it is good to have someone patting him on the back and telling him he is great.

When he first left Rosario and moved to Barcelona, it was the worst year of his life so far. And the next 2 years were equally bad. His mother would cry on the phone, ask him when he is coming back and Leo would bite his lower lip, say he can't. He can't go back there. And Leo believes that people around you and the live you are living are the things that really affect an artist. These are the things that shape your art. He is not sure what kind of affect his own live has on his art but he is happy with everything he does and.. Yeah, it was not so bad after all.

His house would not be considered as a big one. A small apartment on second floor of an old stone building. There are two rooms on either side of the entrance, workroom at the right and kitchen at left, and a bathroom, 2 bedrooms at the end of the corridor and storage room where Leo keep his paints, canvases and other stuff. It is not a big house and there is not plenty of space but it is the only place that makes Leo feel like home and he would not change this place for anything. Inlaid wooden doors of his workroom is almost always open but he doesn't need to turn his head and look over there to know that it is Gerard who is joking with his assistant, Ivan, at the door. Gerard tells Ivan some unfunny jokes and laughs loudly. Leo doesn't have many visitors anyway. Several art gallery owners, a few friends from here and there and of course Gerard & Cesc. Cesc is still in England for his university education so it makes his list even shorter.

Gerard enters Leo's room as Leo asks Ivan to make them mate. Not that he needs to tell him, Ivan knows how much Leo likes his mate. Gerard happily greets him and pushes his stuff to sit down on his leather couch.

Leo's lips curl up into a mischievous smile, eyeing his friend who is sitting on the edge of the leather couch. Leo knows why he is looking toward the kitchen like he is waiting for something or someone, he knows almost everything about Gerard. Leo bit his lower lip to stop himself from laughing.

“Why are you coming here everyday, Gerard?” Gerard does not seem offended, on the contrary he hapilly puts his feet up on Leo's expensive-looking coffee table. Leo catches a box before it falls on the floor and glares his friend as he puts the box next to his brushes and sketches on another table.

“You are breaking my heart, el meu Lleó Petit.” Leo hates it when he calls him that. “You are my friend and of course I want to my best friend!” Leo unimpressedly raises one eyebrow.

“You hate being around me while I am working.”

“Because you are an obsessed jerk and a workholic. No wonder Anto left you.” Normally saying something like this would end a friendship. But it is not like that between Leo and Gerard. Gerard knows Leo would not mind, he even calls Leo a soulless, nonchalant, creepy zombie because of that sometimes. Leo shrugs blankly.

“I left her.” Leo corrects him.

“Because you are an obsessed jerk and a workholic. Oh and a perfectionist, you are always looking for the perfection but perfect does not exist.”  

“Some things are close to perfect. And that is enough for me.” Gerard raises his eyebrows, clearly does not believe his friend.

“Seriously, enough?” Leo rolls his eyes and tries to focus on his canvas and waves his hand in the air like saying 'stop wasting my time'. Gerard is not focused on him anyway. His eyes are on Ivan who enters the room with two mates in his hands.

“Thanks Ivan.” Leo says and Ivan mumbles a 'you're welcome' before leaving the room. Gerard leans forward to look after the blond. Leo smirks.

So you are not worried about me going to the jail but you are worried about losing your assistant?”

“Exactly.”

“Wow, you were supposed to be my friend. But you are always hurting me, dear Leo.” Door bell rings before Leo could answer and he hears Ivan's footsteps who goes to open the door.

“Oh, it must be Ney.” Leo frowns at him.

“God, Gerard. I told you to not to bring your friends here. This is not your secret club house or something, I am trying to work here.” Gerard rolls his eyes.

“Christ, Leo, calm down. Neymar is a good kid and he won't touch anything, I swear.”

“Yeah that was what you said before inviting that Dani guy here. And I found him eating a fucking hotdog on my sketches! There was greasy fingerprints on my papers!” Gerard laughs loudly.

“Oh Dan. That crazy old dude.” A young guy who is not taller than Leo (not that much at least) enters the room, hands buried deep in his pockets. Gerard pushes Leo's stuff even further to make room for Neymar.

“Come here, Ney, sit.” Neymar greets Leo shyly and sits down next to Gerard. Gerard turns to Leo. “This is my good, old friend, grumpy Leo. I told you about him before. And this is Neymar.” Leo rolls his eyes.

“Thanks Gerard. It really touched my heart to hear that you call me 'grumpy'”. Neymar giggles soflty and Leo looks at him, a small smile appears on his lips. “Nice to meet you, Neymar.”

“Nice to meet you, too.”

 

 

Neymar seems like a nice guy. At least this is what Leo thinks of him. He seems shy but it has to do something with the fact that they just meet 30 minutes ago but it is obvious that he is a friendly, happy young man. One of the others things Leo likes to do is watching people, analysing them, seeing them as canvases that created by God or whatever power controls the universe. He especially likes to think of them as oil paintings and see the colours that makes them a living and breathing human being. That gives them a personality. And the first color Leo notices on Neymar is GREEN. His canvas is covered with too much GREEN that Leo was actually surprised to see that.  

Neymar is young, happy and full of hope. Leo wonders when or who will crush his hopes down and paint his canvas to sharp and merciless black. No human being consists of a single color, this is what Leo believes. Like no coin has one side.

And somehow Leo finds Neymar interesting. The truth is, there is nothing interesting about the kid. Other people would think he is ordinary and boring. But Leo knows that most people have too many faces they are afraid to show or like to hide. And Leo thinks under all the green, Neymar is actually unhappy. Why? Leo is dying to know that what kind of colors Neymar hides under the eye catching GREEN.

 

 

When Neymar excuses himself to use the bathroom, Gerard stands up and walks toward Leo. Leo raises his eyebrows and watches his friend, wondering what is on his mind this time. Gerard looks toward the kitchen to check if someone is coming then he grabs Leo's left arm and pulls him closer.

“What the-”

“Shh!” Gerard puts his finger to his lips to tell him to be quiet. “The big day has come.”

“I don't understand what you are talking about.”

“The day you will do me a huge, huge favor.” Leo keeps looking at him, expecting him to continue and explain because Gerard is talking nonsense.

“We're going out to dinner tonight” Leo rolls his eyes and yanks his arm to free his grip.

“If you will take me to Quenca's Place again and beg me to talk to Puyol, convince him to join us and then embarrass yourself, and me of course, and force me to pay, then I am never going to let you in my house again.”

“What? Jeez, no! I got over him.” Leo eyes his friend closely before turning back to his painting, unconvinced obviously.

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

“Then what do you want? What kind of favor you are talking about?” Gerard looks over his shoulder again.

“Tonight you, me, Ivan and Neymar will go out to dinner.” Oh.

“Oh, a double date? How cute.” Leo smiled softly, eyes never leaving the canvas. “Let's do this.” Gerard rolls his eyes and takes a sip from his mate.

“Stop making fun of me, okay, I am serious.” Leo shrugs as he puts two drops of clove oil in his paints before mixing them.

“So am I.” Gerard raises one of his eyebrows, not sure if Leo is joking again or serious.

“Wait a minute.. Are you serious?” Leo nods as Neymar enters the room.

“Sure.” Gerard turns to Neymar with a huge grin on his stupid face. Neymar and Gerard sit down the leather couch and Leo keeps trying to find the right color and it seems like nothing changed in the room since Neymar went to bathroom. Neymar notices that stupid smile on Gerard's face, like he succeed in doing something.

“You better go home and do your hair before it is too late, Ney.” Gerard says, knowing how much Brazilian is obsessed with his hair and making fun of that. Neymar looks at him and Leo disorientedly, trying to understand what happened in the room when he was not here.

“What do you mean?”

“We are going out tonight!” Gerard says happily but Leo notices Neymar biting his lower lip nervously and curiously watches how his face changed in seconds.

“I don't think this is a good idea.”

“Nonsense!” Gerard waves his hand in the air, he looks like a parent who is trying to explain his kid that unicorns do not exist.

“But Xavi-”

“Ney,” Gerard says with a serious expression, “Xavi is not your owner and you are not his slave. You can do whatever you want.” Leo does not say anything, he wonders where the conversation is heading.

“Well, I should let him know at least.” Neymar says, he sounds happy and excited but tries to hide it. But of course Gerard notices it, he is aware that he convinced the kid. He smiles and reaches for his car keys and wallet on the coffee table.

“Okay, let's go and tell him then. But you are coming, I do not take no as an answer.” Gerard raises on his feet and checks his clock. “I gotta go, I have a meeting to catch, do you need a ride?” Neymar nods gratefully. Xavi is eager to buy him a car but Neymar does not have a driving license yet and he is not comfortable with the idea of a stranger driving his car.

“Yeah, thanks.” Gerard hugs Leo quickly and Neymar stands there, feeling awkward like he is interupting a private moment.

“We will meet at La Masia, right?” Leo nods.

“At 6.”

“Great. Then see you there. I will message you the address, okay, Ney?” Neymar nods again without saying again and remembers 'protocol' as Xavi says and shakes Leo's hand. Leo's dark brown eyes bore into his, he shakes Neymar's hand with strength which is not expected from a small like him. A small smile appears on his lips and, God, Neymar suddenly finds it hard to breath.

“It was nice to meet you, I will see you tonight?” Neymar does not say anything (again), just nods, and lets Gerard drag him out of the building.

 

 

“So,” Gerard breaks the silence on their way to his car. Streets are full of happy shiny people, Christmas is coming and it is Neymar's favorite time of the year. “What do you think about Leo?”

Neymar feels himself blushing so he looks at anywhere but Gerard.

“I don't know. We didn't talk much but he seems like an interesting person.” Gerard nods.

“He is.” He opens the door of his car. “I met him a long time ago but since that day he is still the most interesting person I have ever known. Maybe it is one of those artist things, you know, people say they are crazy in a good way, dunno. But, umm, yeah, he is an amazing person.” Neymar gets in the car but stays still before closing his door. He is shocked by Gerard's tone because he sounds so.. loving and caring and Gerard is used to be loved by others, he rarely shows this kind of open love for anyone. It does not mean he does not care about others but.. it is just natural. His nature. Now the roles have changed and Neymar finds it so interesting. He wants to know what is so special about Messi, what makes him so special. But another thought changes his mood.  

“Are you two-” Neymar does not continue but he knows Gerard will understand what he means. Gerard laughs loudly and starts the engine.  

“What? Jesus, no!” But he looks through the glass like he is recalling a memory. “Actually it is a yes for.. But it is not like what you think and Leo is.. He is not.. Anyway, it is not up to me to tell you this.” Neymar feels guilty for relaxing. He does not even know Leo and he has no right to tell him how to live his life. But somehow he attracted Neymar. Maybe it is because Neymar is surrounded by men in suit. Or maybe it is his intense brown eyes. Or maybe watching his pale hands dancing on the canvas amazed him. Because Neymar is so embarrassed to admit it but he was turned on by watching him work. God, it turned him on and he had to use his bathroom and.. It was all so embarrassing.

“Do you want to go to home or Xavi's office?” Neymar blushes, embarrased by his sinful thoughts. And suddenly he remembers that he has a husband.

“To Xavi.”

 

 

“Your husband is here, sir.” Xavi looks up at Andrés who is standing in the doorway looking into his room. He looks paler and tired and Xavi wants to ask him what is wrong. But he does not.

“Tell him to come in, Andrés. And please send an e-mail to David Villa for me, he still needs to send me those photos.” Andrés nods and closes the door after himself. Xavi goes back to studying papers on his desk and Neymar comes in 15 seconds after Andrés left the room. Xavi stands up to welcome his husband, Neymar wraps his arms around his neck and they hug each other. Only for 5 seconds but it makes them both feel better.

“I was not expecting you.” says Xavi as he sits down on his chair. Neymar shrugs and walks toward the window. Xavi's office has a great view indeed.  

“Hmm, I just met Gerard and, you know, I thought it would be nice to stop by.” Xavi smiles warmly.

“It is so good to hear that, Neymar.” Xavi feels happier, knowing that Neymar works as hard as him to make this marriage thing work. He wants to take care of him, save him and he doesn't want anything for return, he only wants this thing to work and maybe, then maybe Neymar can love him and Xavi can love him back.

“Yeah, um..” Neymar looks around the room. “Gerard and his frieds will go out tonight and, I, they invited me and I thought maybe-”

“Neymar.” Xavi waits for Neymar to look into his eyes before continuing. “I don't own you, okay? You are not my trophy husband or anything, you are no slave.” His words are so smiliar to Gerard's that Neymar suddenly finds himself in Leo's room again and he hopes that he does not blush. “You can go out whenever you want. To be honest, it makes me feel better to know that you are socialising and spending time with your friends. That house is too big to be locked in all day long.” Neymar suddenly moves forward and kisses Xavi but he accidentally knocks Xavi's wooden pencil holder down and Neymar pulls away before Xavi can answer.

“Oh, shit, sorry sorry!” Neymar kneels down to collects his pens but Xavi stops him.  

“You go and have fun with your friends, don't worry about it.” Xavi is laughing and he looks younger when he laughs and Neymar suddenly feels so much better about his life. He kisses Xavi's cheek.

“See you tonight!”

 

 

Ivan runs a hand through his blond hair nervously as Leo looks over some bills and letters on kitchen table. He slants his assistant who sits there like he is not aware of Leo's presence and stops himself from grinning. He finds it funny to see that Ivan is being so shy while Gerard is so excited about literally everything. It is like they are back to highschool and Gerard is begging to him to talk to that guy from Argentina (what was his name, Pipita?). Leo, of course, wants to help his friend and that shy Argentine tells him that he likes Gerard as well and for a second Leo really believed that he succeed. But Gerard, that fucking oaf, promised another person on same day and screwed up everything. There was nothing Leo could do. Gerard is a hopeless casanova.

“I don't know if this is a good idea.” Leo rolls his eyes as he leaves papers on kitchen table and takes a sip from his coffee.

“You don't have to think about it, like, 5 times, Ivan. It is just a dinner. And we planned everything, it would be really rude of you to not to show up.” Ivan nods, it seems like Gerard always gets what he wants.

“I am sorry, I am not-”

“I know.” Leo takes another sip from his coffee before standing up and leaving his mug in the sink. “I know but this time everything will be different, I promise, don't worry. If Gerard acts like a jerk, I will handle it.” Normally it would sound funny. Gerard is a huge guy and Leo is so small and looks so fragile that a person who does not know them would laugh at Leo's words. But Ivan knows Leo and everyone who knows Leo and Gerard also knows that Leo is very serious when it comes to his words and promises and he becomes so creepy and scary when he wants to.

“Okay, okay. And as you said, it would be really rude.. right?” Leo smiles at him over his shoulder.

“Of course.” And he goes back to his room to finish his sketch.

 

 

La Masia is a former farmhouse. A businessman called Johan Cruyff bought the place in 1993 and turned it into a restaurant. Cruyff was an idealist but his son was not, he always wanted to be a football player so when his father died, he sold La Masia to another businessman, Sandro Rosell. Sandro and his partner, Josep Maria Bartomeu had different ideas though. If Cruyff could see his place today, he would have a word or two to say.

 

 

 

Leo comes early as always and orders himself a vodka-redbull. There is nothing interesting here. The weird part is, Gerard also comes early. You are talking about a person who attends every meeting, even his own parties, late. Not to mention him making the most noises in the room and makes sure that everyone is aware of his presence. But today he just walks to Leo's table and sits down. Leo raises his eyebrows and Gerard notices how shocked his childhood friend looks.

“What?” Gerard asks, he doesn't seem to care Leo's suspicious looks, he looks happy and normal. Interesting.

“You tell me. You are early today.” Gerard shrugs.

“You say it like I am always late.” Leo laughs and raises an eyebrow.

“Because you always are!” Gerard snorts and opens drinks menu and orders a bottle of Chryseia. Gerard rests his elbows against the table and leans forward.

“So, what do you think about Ney?”

“He is slim, he has a weird hairstyle and his mustache looks like a high school boy's.” Leo took a sip from his vodka. “I liked him.”

“Wow.” Gerard grabs another hunk of cheese and pops it into his mouth. “Now you just make him sound.. so normal. Ordinary. I am always going to disgust by my own friend.” Leo glares at Gerard.

“Everything about his just.. he wears awful clothes and jewelries. It makes him unresistable.” Gerard looks up at his friend from his plate and try to make sure he is not joking.

“Are you sure you are talking about our Ney? The kid who listens Brazilian rap as he tries to imitate Chandelier's careography and breaks the 50 year old vase and blames the dog?” Leo softly chuckles.

“Sounds perfect.” Gerard shrugs but he looks very serious.

“You better stay away from him, dude. Xavi can be really scary when he is angry and this is me, almost 1.90 tall Gerard Piqué, saying this.” Gerard reaches for bottle and fills his glass before tastes the wine. “And no offence, I love the kid but Neymar is not even beautiful. You can do better.”

“If I wanted beauty, I would go to Ivan.” Leo lifts her chin, looks into his eyes. Gerard knows that look, I-am-Lionel-fucking-Messi-and-I-always-get-what-I-want look. “I have never been the one to want beauty.”

“Everybody wants beauty.” Gerard says self-assuredly.

“People want what they don't have.” He corrects Gerard. “Things that you don't have always seem more beautiful to you. And what the hell is beauty anyway? People don't even get beauty.” Gerard points at him over the rim of his glass and smiles.

“Of course you get it all.” Leo smiles too, reaches for his vodka.

“I don't get anything about people.” Ivan and Neymar enter the restaurant at the same time. Gerard winks and Leo as he stands up to greet them and Leo rolls his eyes.

Soon after Gerard hugs them both and makes silly jokes, they all sit around the table and study the menu. Gerard calls the waiter and orders Chicharrón for everyone. He leans closer to Ivan who is sitting next to him.

“So, tell me Ivan, did you ever eat empanada?” Leo bites his lower lip to stop himself from laughing because Ivan looks so serious and watching Gerard pathetically trying to seduce him is just too much fun. Ivan shakes his head.

"No, what is that?” Gerard's smile gets wider.

“Some kind of stuffed bread or something like that. I am not sure. But it is fucking delicious.” Ivan smiles politely.

“Sounds perfect.” Leo remembers how much Gerard complained when Leo forced him to eat empanadas. Look at him now.

“I think you should try it. I know an Argentine restaurant, they make amazing empanadas.” Leo also remembers dragging Gerard to that Argentine restaurant and Gerard trying to seduce the waitress. How cute.

“I will try it one day.” Leo must admit, Gerard is a good actor if you don't know him as Leo does. He points at Ivan with his fork like the idea just came into his mind.

“You know what, you and I should visit that place. Masche always has delicious alfajores. You will lick your fingers!”

“I am not sure if this is a good idea, Leo will need-” Leo rolls his eyes and reaches for wine bottle.

“I am not a child, Ivan. I can take care of myself for one day, thank you very much.”

“Yeah but you know how you get when you start working, you need someone to watch after you.” Leo mumbles something when Gerard and Neymar laughs loudly. Gerard is not planning to let him go that easily though.

“So, I am stealing you tomorrow?” Ivan lowers his head but Leo can still the smile forming on his lips.

“Yeah, sure.”

 

 

Gerard and Ivan starts talking about food and different cuisines and Neymar suddenly feels like a stranger, like he doesn't belong here with them. Leo must felt he is bored because he leans closer to him to start a conversation.

“So, Neymar, what do you do?” Neymar shifts in his chair uncomfortably. Gerard mentioned Xavi before at Leo's house but he is not sure if Leo knows that Neymar is married to him or not. Somehow he finds it embarrassing to tell him about Xavi.

“I am living with my husband.” Leo raises his eyebrows.

“And?”

“And?”

“Come on! I am sure you have some hobbies, right, I mean what are you doing whole day?” Neymar blushes immediately because Leo is right, he does not do anything whole day but somehow Leo finds it hard to believe.

“This and that. I do not have a particular hobby.” Leo frowns at him, clearly not believing but he does not say anything. Somehow it makes Neymar feel worse, like he is stupid and childish and he hates it. There is no reason for him to feel this way. Leo has no right to judge him and it does not seem like he is judging at all. He is more like.. surprised. Suddenly Neymar wants to be better. Prove that he is better than this. He looks at Ivan, Leo and Gerard who are laughing at something Neymar can't remember. They are so different that for the first time since he married to Xavi, Neymar forgets being grateful and question his life.

 

 

Leo doesn't sleep that night. His brain has never been more full of new ideas and colors.  

 

 

Something has changed.

 

 

Xavi tries to tie his tie and fails for 3rd time and he gives up, muttering angrily as he walks to bathroom where Neymar was brushing his teeth just 3 minutes ago. Neymar tied a towel around his waist, hair wet and he is looking at himself in the mirror. Xavi rolls his eyes, knowing that Neymar is still so young and his appearance is still so important for him.  

“Honey, can you please help me?” Neymar looks at Xavi in the mirror, their eyes meet before he notices untied tie and smiles softly.

“God, Xavi, come here.” Neymar carefully dries his hands and fixes Xavi's tie.

“What are you planning to do today?” Xavi asks and Neymar, who gives all his attention to Xavi's tie, shrugs.

“I don't know. I think I will go outside. Maybe I can buy some things. I am thinking about getting a new hobby.” He steps back to take a look at his work. Xavi leans forward to look himself in the mirror and fixes his suit once again.

“Hmm, what kind of hobby?” Neymar looks at his feet, feels guilty for blushing and wonders why he feels this way.

“I don't know. I actually want to try drawing.” Xavi seems surprised to hear that, he looks at Neymar for a second then smiles.

ounds good,” he leans closer and kisses Neymar softly. “See you tonight.”

Neymar mumbles a weak 'see you' after him even though Xavi can't hear him.

 

 

If there is one more thing Leo likes to do, it is going out for a walk in the afternoon. He likes to going out at least two times a day. It helps him to get his head together and at the same time he has an oppurtunity to watch and analyse people. And Leo was not lying when he said he doesn't get people. He doesn't understand them. He does not understand their behaviours and words. But he likes to watch them and see them all as different paintings.  

Luckily his favorite artwork is standing in front of him and searching for something in his bag.  

“Do you need help?” Leo says as he walks toward him. Neymar freezes for a second, then slowly turns and looks Leo in the eye. Leo's expression is soft and his smile is sweet but it still makes Neymar feel like he is making fun of him (which is not true at all but Leo has this amused expression all the time).

“No, thanks. I am fine.” Leo nods, he doesn't like to insist.

“Which way are you going? We can walk together.” Neymar doesn't want to tell him he is going to meet Xavi.  He still feels ashamed about being married at such a young age and being ashamed about his marriage makes him feel guilty. 

“Oh, I am going this way.” Neymar looks at his right.

“Good.” And they walk together. They do not talk at first. Neymar is not a big fan of being silent but Leo likes it and for the first time in forever, silence does not bother Neymar. Finally Leo decides to break the silence.

“So, what are you doing here?” Neymar shows him his bags.

“Shopping.” Leo laughs.

“I can see that.” Neymar blushes.

“Oh. I just, umm, I am buying some stuff. You know, hobby things and book and other things.” Now Leo looks surprised.  

“Educational things?” Neymar nods. “Please don't get me wrong, I am not trying to be rude but.. you are married to a super rich man like Xavi Hernández, why would you need education? You are young, live your life.” Neymar bites his lower lip. Normally Neymar would not answer his question and avoid him. He does not know Leo that well, that would be stupid to tell him about his insecurities and life. But he wants to, he feels like he will die if he does not share with someone.

“I am scared about my future.”

“And why is that?” Leo finds a packet of cigarette in his pocket. “I mean, you are married, right? You have a rich husband and everything. You are nothing to worry about, no offense.”

“I know this is what most people think of me.” Neymar mumbles softly, not looking at him. “But the truth is.. I am far from being happy.” He looks at Leo worriedly. 

“Don't get me wrong, I love Xavi. Not like he forces me to love him but I do and.. he is nice, too. He give me everything I need or want and I am grateful but..” Leo lights a cigarette and puts it between his lips before mumbling.

“But?” Neymar shrugs like he is ashamed of his own thoughts.

“I want to fall in love.” Leo takes a drag from his cigarette and laughs loudly, Neymar feels strange. He purses his lips and kicks a stone on the ground. “Don't make fun of me.” Leo shakes his head and waves his hand in the air. Neymar looks at his pale, smooth and beautiful long fingers.

“I am not making fun of you, just.. wow you are really young, aren't you?” Neymar frowns at him.

“You don't look so old either.” Neymar directly looks into his eyes but suddenly feels so uncomfortable.  

“A man is as old as he feels. And you, my friend,” Leo takes another drag “is younger than you think.”

“You say it like it's a bad thing.” Leo nods as Neymar kicks another stone.

“It is.” Leo wraps his arm around Neymar's before he could answer. “Come to my place tomorrow.”

“Why?” Neymar wants to kick himself for speaking before thinking. He could say yes easily because God knows how much he wants to.

“You will see. You will see.”

 

 

Leo looks at the paper in his hand and smiles. It is almost finished.

 

 

Next day, Leo has a visitor.

 

 

Kun raises his eyebrows and leaves his mug on coffee table and walks toward the canvas. He can swear this painting was not here when he visited Leo two days ago. Kun can see the other one behind his desk, forgotten. Kun looks at the newly painted canvas and frowns. Leo dries his hand with kitchen towel and throws it on floor carelessly.

“I am not sure if it was a good idea to give Ivan a day off.” Leo notices the way Kun is looking at his painting, he takes a sip from his almost cold coffee.

“What do you think?”

“When did you paint this?” Kun can see that paint is still drying. Leo looks at the ceiling forethoughtfully.

“Last night? This morning? I am not exactly sure.” Kun raises one eyebrow at him.  

“That soon?” Leo shrugs and walks to his leather couch. He pushes his sketches away and sits down. Kun looks at his painting for the last time before turning towards his friend.

“Sell this to me.” Leo laughs and shakes his head.

“I won't sell you this, Kun. We are friends.” Kun points at the painting.

“I want this.” Leo raises his hands and smiles.

“Then take it.” Kun looks at him, not sure if he is joking or serious. He raises an eyebrow.

“Are you being sarcastic or something?” Leo rolls his eyes and leans forward.

“God, Kun, sometimes you are so dumb. I said you can take it and I am serious. I still don't get it why a businessman like you would want my paintings but of course, you can take it.” Kun buries his hands in his pockets.

“So what? Just because I am wearing a suit, I don't know anything about art, is this what you are saying?” Leo raises an eyebrow amusedly.

“The first time I told you about Dada, you thought it was a TV show.” Kun raises his hands like he wants to defend himself.

“God, it was 7 years ago!”

“But it is still awkward, this is what I am saying.” Kun sits on the edge of Leo's coffee table.  

“It is not more awkward than you still talking to me after everything that happened.” Leo reached for his bag to find his cigarette.

“Get over it, Kun.” Kun looks at his hands awkwardly, like he does not know what to say or which words he will use.  

“I am just.. you know I am sorry, right, Leo?” Leo shrugs and lightens his cigarette. He takes a drag before answering him.

“There is no point in talking about things we cannot change, Kun.”

 

 

Neymar finds himself fixing his clothes for the last time in front of Leo's door at 16.05. He is not sure if Ivan is at home or not and it makes him nervous. The idea of being alone with Leo at his home is making him nervous. He wishes he would listen Gerard more carefully. Were they going out today or tomorrow?

Finally Neymar's thoughts interupts by Leo opening the door. Leo is smiling at him and wearing a white shirt with arms folded and dark jeans. Neymar is not sure what he is feeling. He looks good, he must admit. But he also makes him feel insecure and Neymar hates it.

“Come in.” Neymar thinks about it before stepping inside and dropping his bag in the entrace of Leo's house. He looks toward the kitchen before Leo could notice and he feels a little nervous about not seeing Ivan. Leo leads him to his workroom. Neymar looks at him inquiringly. It seems like Leo can sense how Neymar is feeling because he smiles softly to relieve him.

“I am going to show you something beautiful.” Leo's smile is sincere and Neymar doesn't hesitate for a second.

 

 


	2. ROJO

As the time passes by, Neymar starts to feel more comfortable. His fingers move on the smooth surface of paper as he looks toward the kitchen over his shoulder. Neymar studies the drawing Leo showed him and his enthusiasm so rubbed off on Neymar that he forgot all about his nervousness. First it did not mean anything to Neymar. There are.. lines and some shapes and colors. He searches for something meaningful but fails. Finally he asks Leo what does this mean even though he was worried about embarrassing himself.

And Leo looks at him with these intense brown eyes and a smile smile and Neymar shivers.

“Your soul.” Neymar raises his eyebrows. He has a genuine look of surprise on his face.

“My soul?” Leo nods and walks behind Neymar, his fingers traces the lines and shapes that now makes Neymar nervous again.  

“This is you.” Leo whispers to him and, fuck, because Neymar is actually aroused. He bites his lower lip. “This is you. But not all of you. This is the only part that I can. For now.” Leo's hands cover Neymar's and presses his lips to Neymar's ear. “I cannot wait to discover you completely.” Neymar is not sure if he meant something sexual or not but even if he did, Neymar would not complain.

But Leo pulls away and leaves Neymar standing alone in the room as he goes to the kitchen. Neymar stands there for a second before sitting on the leather coach. He looks at the drawing confusedly. It is dumb maybe but he can still hear Leo's voice in his head and suddenly evertyhing makes much more sense. Like now he can see his reflection on the paper. Of course not literally. But he can see random scenes from his 20 years long life. And it is scary. The fact that Leo can read him like an open book is scaring him.

 

 

Consequently, Leo says he can keep the drawing and says that he will find more colors in Neymar to add this drawing. It sounds like a promise. Neymar hopes he does.

 

 

When Xavi met Sergio Agüero for the first time, he was not aware of his importance in his life. Or what kind of role he will play in his life in the future. He was just another businessman which Xavi was planning to have good relationship. Xavi thought it would be good for his company to work with Agüero's. Sergio Agüero has so many textile mills around the world, including one in Madrid. But Xavi was more interested in South America than Europe. And Agüero was an Argentine, he spent 18 years of his life in Argentina. Xavi couldn't find a better business partner.

And Xavi likes to build long term partnerships. He is generous too. Thus when he heard Agüero had friends from Barcelona Academy of Art and that he loves paintings and his house is full of artworks of a certain painter, he decided to buy him a painting of his favorite painter. Andrés, as any other good assistant, fulfills his duty and learns who his favorite painter is.  _Leo Messi_. It seems like Agüero is a fan of the young painter.

 

Xavi does not know much about art and paintings but he heard this name many times before, at meetings and parties where Barcelona's upper class meet and pretend like they care about cinema and art and literature. So, like him or not, you must be heard the name before. And some says he is the best one Barcelona had in last 20 years. When Andrés said he is a dada artist, it did not mean anything to Xavi. But Xavi always shows great care to gifts and if this is what Agüero likes, so be it. He asked Andrés to find his address. He wants to meet the painter and see his works. He is not very tend to idea of sending one of his employees to buy a random artwork. What is the point?

 

 

 

In the end, Xavi asked Andrés to arrange a meeting with Messi.

 

 

 

Neymar turns on the radio as he tries to make his first sketch and fails miserably. He throws the book away angrily. These books don't help at all. And Neymar has never been patient. Of course he was not expecting to become the next Dalí in one day but he would be lying if he says he is not disappointed. He was expecting to see more from himself. He was hoping to see that he is a natural born talent. Which is not true. And Neymar wants to give up but then he remembers the way Leo's hand danced on the canvas and he does not. He is not sure if he is really interested in drawing and painting or he just wants to impress him.

He knows it is dangerous. He knows he is married but it is not like Leo has feelings for him.. right? Neymar sure it is just a platonic, childish crush and nothing more. Neymar didn't even know how boring his life was until he met Leo. And he loves how passionate Leo is when it comes to painting. This must be the reason. Neymar wants to be as passionate as Leo about something. Or someone.

Neymar notices another song starts playing and he wants to change the channel because he does not like slow songs but somehow it catches his attention.

_“How love in silence becomes reprimand..”_

He is not sure if it's the singer's voice or lyrics that affected him so deeply.

_“But the way I feel about you, is beyond words..”_

Yes, Neymar wants to scream. Yes, this is exactly how he feels.

_“...just like you, I should find a way to tell you everything, by saying nothing.”_

And again, this is what Neymar wants. He wants to tell Leo, or ask him but he is not good with words. And how can he tell him when he gets lost in his eyes every time? Neymar sighs and reaches for the book to start from the beginning.

 

 

When Neymar went to bed that night, he was not planning to see Leo. Actually he stayed away from the Argentine for a week, hid his drawing in his drawer and he was determined to continue this way. He is not sure what he feels when he stands close to Messi but whatever it is, Neymar did not like it. He is married to Xavi and Xavi is a nice, kind man. Neymar must be loyal to him. Still, when he wakes up from a nightmare, covered with sweat and alone in the bed, he pushes the sheets away and runs toward the bathroom. He takes a quick shower and chooses his clothes extremely carefully that he actually embarrasses himself. He puts on his most expensive parfum. He plans to leave without having a breakfast but when he goes downstairs, he sees Xavi who is reading his newspaper and drinking a cup of tea. He cannot leave without saying anything, right? So he sits down.  

Xavi eyes Neymar carefully behind his newspaper.

“You look good.” Neymar hopes he doesn't blush and shrugs. If only Xavi knew why he is dressed up like this..

“Thanks.” Xavi does not say anything, instead he takes another sip of his tea. Neymar thinks about what's changed as he pops a cucumber slice into his mouth and chews. He promised to stay away from him but now he is waiting for his husband to leave so that he can run to his arms. He should be ashamed of himself. But he is not. The only thing that embarrasses him is the idea of getting caught. But this, whatever he is doing, gives him a huge pleasure. Because it is dangerous and stupid and.. Neymar feels alive again.

Plus, he can't do this anymore. The more he tries to run away from him, the more his brain fills up with the thoughts on him. There is almost no time of the day that Neymar does not think about him. He can't sleep at nights. It is really awkward and uncomfortable to lay down next to your husband and lust after another man. In the end, Neymar decided to end this misery. He is not sure what he is going to do or what will happen but he will face Leo today. He will go there and face him and ask him. Ask him what is this feeling. And he will ask him to end this, whatever it is between them. Because Neymar can't. He tried and failed. But even a fool can see that Neymar is lying because Neymar himself knows that he is lying to himself. He does not want this to end.

“Are you going somewhere special?” Xavi interrupts Neymar's inner monologue. Neymar did not think about a lie before so he takes a sip of his tea to gain some time.  

“I am going to meet with Gerard.” Xavi nods and goes back to reading his newspaper. He thinks about thanking Gerard for taking care of Neymar and spending time with him because Xavi is always busy nowadays.  

 

 

Neymar knocks the door before wipping his sweaty hands on his jeans. He can't be sure if he is happy or nervous when Leo opens the door instead of Ivan. A part of him wants to be alone with Leo and other part is scared. With a paint brush clamped between his teeth, Leo beckons with a motion of his head. Neymar looks toward the kitchen to make sure that Ivan is not at home. Leo does not look at him as he speaks.

“Ivan is out with Gerard. You give him one day off and suddenly he ditches job to have sex with your bestfriend.” But he does not sound angry, more like amused. And Neymar impressed how comfortable Leo is as he talks about his assistant and best friend's sexual life, he follows Leo into the room.  

 

 

“I don't want to sound rude but..” 5 minutes later Leo comes back with mates in his hands and sit on the opposite seat. “Is there any special reason you come here?”

Neymar watches his hands. He planned everything before coming here. His plan was perfect back then. He was going to knock his door and talk to him. But now that he is here, it does not look so easy anymore. One of the reasons is he feel uncomfortable under Leo's intense gaze and he wants to lie and leave this room immediately. But he is tired of being a coward and running away. There is no backing off from this point. He will do what he has to do.

“I am confused.” Neymar says finally. This is not the best way to start a conversation but better than nothing. Leo smiles surprisedly.

“Confused about what?”

“About you.” Leo raises his eyebrows this time.  

“About me?” Neymar nods. There is no decent or acceptable way to say this so he just decides to go with whatever comes to his mind.

“You're confusing me. You make me question the life I am living. Your stares makes me uncomfortable. And I always think about you and the meaning of your words. Then there is the drawing you gave to me..” Neymar shakes his head. “God, that drawing ruined me.”

“That was not my intention. But I find you interesting and I am trying to understand you.”

“There is nothing interesting about me.”

“I don't think so.” Neymar eyes Leo carefully. He is just so.. different. Neymar has never met someone like him before. And somehow Neymar finds it so attractive. Neymar speaks more freely this time, unlike what is expected from him.

“I want you.” Leo raises his chin and looks at him, challenging.

“You have to learn to fight for things you want. Your rich husband can't buy you everything.” Neymar feels like his blood is boiling inside the veins. What does Leo know abouth him?! His hands are shaking. He is going to show Leo that he is not the person he thinks Neymar is. He is standing on his feet before he can give a second thought on what he is doing. Leo is on his feet, too, standing there like a tensed cat, ready to attack. But his expression is relaxed and soft. Neymar grabs Leo by the collar of his shirt and pulls him closer. Leo does not say anything. They look into each other's eyes.  

“Fuck me.” Neymar whispers between his teeth. “Fuck me until we both see all the colors that creates this world around us.”

 

 

So does Leo.  

 

 

Neymar lays on his back motionlessly, still breathing heavily and watches the ceiling as Leo reaches for his jeans, finds a cigarette and light up. Leo only has a mattress. There is a nightstand next to the mattress and a huge window on the left. In front of them, there is a huge bookshelf and a desk with million of things on it. The door is on the right and next to it, there is a floor lamp. That's all.

Neymar recovers from his orgasm slowly and rolls over Leo who is half lying on the left side of the bed. He wraps his arms around him as Leo smokes. Neymar wonders how something like a simple cigarette looks so sexy.

Teach me.” His long fingers trace the bare skin of Leo's torso. They are still lying on the mattress, only a blanket covering their sweaty, naked bodies. Neymar looks up at Leo. “Teach me how to draw.”

Leo laughs. It does not sound insulting so Neymar does not get offended. Leo turns to him and studies Neymar's face.

“This is not something I can teach you. You have to do it yourself.” Neymar straightens up and purses.  

“You only say this because you are too lazy to teach me.” Leo takes a long drag of his cigarette and laughs as he shakes his head.

“No, it is just.. if you want something, really want it, you have to work for it.” Leo takes his last drag and stub out his cigarette. “You can't learn everything from other people. Not always. Sometimes you have to try until your hands bleed.” Neymar stands up and wraps one of the sheets around himself.

“See? This is exactly why I find you so attractive.” Neymar does not notice Leo's smile. But Leo's eyes falls on Neymar's hands as he wraps the sheet around himself. He did not took off his ring when they had sex. This shows he belongs to someone else.

But people don't belong to people.  

“Why did you marry him?” Leo asks suddenly. He pushes covers down until it only covers his hips and leans against headboard. Leo's white sheets covering Neymar's tanned body like a cape as he walks around Leo's room. He stays still for a second when he hears Leo's question. For some reason, he wants to be honest with Leo, he wants to tell him everything and gain his love.

“I grew up in a large family. I had so many relatives. But it never bothered me. I love people, I love being around them, spending time with them, being in crowd.” Neymar thinks about his current life and how lonely he is. His home, his friends and his family.. All these are just long lost memories now. He talks without taking his eyes off of the stuff on Leo's desk. “But like in any other large family, they had rules and family traditions.” Neymar takes a snow globe in his hand and shakes it. ' Ushuaia' is written on it and Neymar does not even know where Ushuaia is. Actually he does not know anything about Leo. Was Ushuaia his home? Or another place he visited during a holiday? Neymar watches fake snowflakes calmly. “They asked me to live my life the way they want me to. And I can't do this, you know.” Leo nods even though Neymar can't see him. He knows it very well. Neymar puts snowglobe on the desk and walks toward the bookshelf. “Anyway, I was young and a rebel and I thought I could conquer the world. Finally I told them I want to go to Europe. They laughed at me. They did not think I was being serious. But I was. I ran away. Everything was amazing at the beginning but.. then I learned that life is nothing like I thought. In the end, I was a lonely teenager in Barcelona who is rejected by his own family. I had nothing. No one. It was all gone. And I was all alone. I felt like I was trapped. Then Xavi found me. He treated me like a kitten left to die in rain-soaked streets. He gave me a home and food and he was so nice, I.. Anyway, he proposed me and I said yes.” Neymar's face softens as he looks over his shoulder, only to meet Leo's eyes. “I know how it sounds. An old bastard takes advantage of a lonely, scared kid. But that is not true. Xavi is an amazing person and he is doing everything to make me happy and I wanted this. He did not force me. He would still do everything for me even if I rejected him.” Leo nods. His face is serious and almost expressionless. Neymar shrugs and looks at the books. His fingers trace the covers of some old books. “Did you read these all?”  

“Pretty much.”  

“Who is your favorite? Who should I read first?” Neymar pulls sheets closer before looking at Leo. “What do you think? Hmm? What kind of things I would read?” Neymar blinks a few times and acts like a porn star. Leo laughs at his poor acting skills and shakes his head.

“Shakespeare. Winter's Tale, _ **The Tempest**_ , Twelfth Night..” Neymar purses his lips.

“I have never heard them before. But I think I should feel insulted.” Leo grins at him and straightens up. He grabs his boxer and Neymar just can't take his eyes off of him. Black cloth looks so good on his pale skin that for a second Neymar wishes he has Leo's talent or at least Leo could teach him so that he could draw him like this.  

Leo stands next to him, studying books, one hand on his hips and other one under his chin. Soon after, he reaches for a book and shows it to Neymar. Neymar reads the name carefully.

_Julio Cortázar._

Neymar takes it from him.

“Is he your favorite?” Leo nods and looks for other books. Neymar's soft eyes watch his every move closely, not sure where all the love coming from.

“Anyone who doesn’t read Cortázar is doomed.” Leo says suddenly and Neymar raises an eyebrow, not sure what Leo is talking about. But Leo keeps talking. “Not to read him is a grave invisible disease which in time can have terrible consequences.” Leo takes two other books in his hand and turns to Neymar. His smile is so kind, so lovely so warm that Neymar has never seen anything like this before. He looks peaceful and happy. Neymar wants to hug him and never let him go. “Something similar to a man who had never tasted peaches. He would be quietly getting sadder, noticeably paler, and probably little by little, he would lose his hair. I don’t want those things to happen to me, and so I greedily devour all the fabrications, myths, contradictions, and mortal games of the great Julio Cortázar.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Neymar asks as he takes the books from Leo.

“Pablo Neruda.” Leo says, his voice is strong and his eyes are burning with passion. “These are his words. I don't think there is a better way of explaining Cortázar's brilliance.” Neymar does not say anything and walks toward the mattres and lays on his stomach. He looks at the covers and turns pages slowly. Leo sits next to him and leans against the headboard again.

“You can keep them if you want. I don't know. People say it's hard to read or understand Cortázar but-” Neymar smiles at him.

“I would like to.” The idea of seeing Leo's world, reading things he likes warms him from the inside.

 

 

 

Xavi parks his car in front of an old looking building. He looks at the paper that Andrés gave to him. Yes, this is the place where Messi lives. Centre of the city. Someone as popular and possibly rich as him could live in a better place. But it somehow makes sense. Xavi does not know much about artists but he can understand Messi. This place is.. so different. Even someone like Xavi feels the  _magic_  here. It must be a great place to live for a painter. Xavi unfastens his seat belt as he notices something. Someone. He knows this awkward and crazy hairstlye.

Neymar.

The first thing Xavi thinks is, Neymar met with Gerard at Messi's house. Why not? Gerard knows Messi and maybe he invited Neymar? But then he remembers Gerard saying he will be working all day and he won't be able to leave the building. Xavi thought Neymar was going to Gerard's office. He was wrong. Neymar lied to him. Xavi reaches his phone and finds Gerard's name. Phone rings twice.

“Oh captain, my captain.” Normally Xavi would laugh or say something bitter but he is not in the mood and he needs to ask Gerard something. He needs to know before he does something that he will regret.  

“Gerard, did Neymar visit you today?” Gerard does not say anything for a second and Xavi grows impatient.

“Is everything alright, Xavi? Is Ney alright?” Xavi takes a deep breath and grips the steering wheel tightly.

“Yes, yes. Everything is fine. I just.. He told me where was he going but I was busy and I forgot and.. I thought maybe he came to see you.”

“Nope, I mean, I didn't see him or talk to him. I am really busy today. It sucks.” Gerard hesitates before asking the same question again. “Are you sure everything is alright, Xavi?” Xavi closes his eyes and rests his forehead against the steering wheel.

"Yeah."

 

 

Neymar broke all the rules. He can't stay away from him anymore. He can't not see Messi. And he can't hide his drawing. There is no reason to do so. The first he did when he unlocked the front door was running to his, their, bedroom and finding the drawing in his drawer. He sat there and traced every single line again and again. Until he memorises every detail.

 

 

 

When his door bell rings for the second time that day, Leo just came out of shower, made a cup of coffee for himself ad he dries his hair with a simple white towel. He knows who is on the other side of his door and smiles. He opens the door, hair still wet and a towel in his hand. And he faces a sick looking Xavi Hernández. Xavi glares at the towel in Leo's hand ans his wet hair. Leo smiles softly.  

“Sorry, come in.” He dries his hands and throws the towel away. He showes Xavi the room where he keeps his works. Xavi finally turns toward him and Leo extends his hand to him. Xavi hesitates before shaking Messi's hand. “I am so glad to meet you.” Xavi eyes him carefully. He seems like a nice person, his expression is soft but somehow Xavi feels like Messi laughing at him, making fun of him. Like Messi has an evil shadow which points at Xavi and laughs. Xavi shakes his head slowly and mumbles a 'same'. Leo shows him his painting, it is covered with a white cloth. Leo pulls it and it makes Xavi uncomfortable for some reason. Yes, Xavi knows nothing about paintings but this is an interesting work and it seems.. familiar. There is too much green and even looking at it makes Xavi sick. Xavi waves his hand.

“Yes, yes, good. I am buying.” Leo raises an eyebrow.

“Don't you want to take a better look at it?” Xavi shakes his head and doing his best to not to look at it. His eyes wanders around the room until he notices Rayuela on the coffee table. Not knowing that Leo put it there on purpose, Xavi looks at the cover and does not notice the smile on Messi's face. “He is my favorite writer.” Leo says like he wants to start a friendly conversation. Xavi nods without looking at Messi. Leo wraps up the painting as he hides his smirk behind it. Xavi is doing what Leo wants him to do. Like a puppet under its master's control. Like a mouse under cat's claw. Leo plays with him like God does with unworthy, pathetic creatures that called human.

“Where do you want me to send it?” Xavi still refuses to look at him.

"To my office. My assistant knows what to do." Messi shrugs and extends his hand again.

“Well, it was faster than I thought. Good to work with you. It was a pleasure.” Xavi shakes his hand with an annoyed expression and leaves the building like he is in a hurry. Leo takes a sip from his now cold coffee and watches him from his window. It seems like Xavi is trying to run away from his thought which he won't be able to success. And Leo loves it. He does.

 

 

When Xavi finally comes to home, he is really confused. He doesn't want to blame Neymar for nothing but he cannot stop these ugly thoughts in his head. There is no going back. He will go crazy if he doesn't ask, if he doesn't know the truth. But still, he doesn't want to ruin their newly marriage and the relationship that Xavi worked really hard to build. He did everything to have a real and a happy marriage with Neymar and finally, he feels like Neymar is trusting him.

“You came early today.” Neymar says without looking up at him. Xavi sees that he is reading a book. He walks into the room without taking his coat off and leans against the wide window.  

“I didn't have much to do today.” Neymar mumbles something and turns the page. Xavi can't see the cover but it seems like Neymar is really into it.  

“I didn't know you like to read.” Xavi says because he wonders. He wants to know more about Neymar. Now that they are married it's his job to know everything about the young Brazilian. He is his husband after all. Neymar finally looks at him.

“Umm, I don't know, it sounds interesting so I decided to read.” Then he shrugs and goes back to his book. But he also prays that Xavi won't notice his burning cheeks. And Xavi does not. Instead he stares at his head.

“Guess who I met today.” Xavi watches Neymar carefully, wonders what will be his reaction.

“Oh. I don't know. A businessman? I don't know many of them. Was he someone important?” He turns the page again.

“Maybe.” Xavi's eyes don't leave him for a second. “Leo Messi.” Neymar's eyes stay on the page but he doesn't read the words, he just stares at them. He knows that Xavi is watching him and he can't show him how nervous he is. Because Xavi does not talk about business at home and it's all so strange.

“Oh.” He wants to kick himself for not saying anything smart. He acts like he is guilty. Neymar thinks about saying he does not know him but that would be ridiculous. Xavi would learn their 'friendship' one way or another. Leo would tell him or he would figure it out himself or even Gerard would tell him during a daily conversation. Right? “He is Gerard's friend, isn't he?” He takes a deep breath and forces himself to look at Xavi's face. Xavi looks back. His face is cold and blank. It makes Neymar sick but he does not show it. 

“So you know him?” Xavi asks. Neymar knows there is no denying from now on. He needs to tell him the truth. Or at least a part of it.

“Yes. Remember when I met Gerard and went out with his friends for a dinner. Gerard was at Messi's house and he invited me there.” Neymar wants to be honest without risking anything. Xavi's face softens. Neymar looks so innocent and oblivious that he is suddenly so ashamed of himself. Xavi finally takes off his coat and walks toward the spiral staircase.

“You are not wearing the watch I bought you on your birthday.” he says before leaving the room. Neymar looks at his wrist anxiously and realizes that Xavi is right. Fuck.

 

 

Xavi takes a long shower, he feels better after talking to Neymar. But he can't stop this ugly feeling. Neymar didn't deny that he knows Messi and it's good. If Neymar was doing something wrong, he would deny it, right? He would not say anything. But he still lied to Xavi and it's bothering him. If he was going to Messi's house, then why did he tell Xavi that he is going to Gerard? Xavi has never stopped him from going out and meeting people. No, Xavi always supported him and it makes him really happy to see that Neymar is enjoying his life. He would never try to stop him. But maybe Neymar thinks otherwise.

Xavi is aware that Neymar is sleeping, so he tries to be quiet as puts on his clothes. Neymar fell asleep while reading a book and forgot to turn off his bedside lamp. Xavi smiles warmly because he looks so cute, young and peaceful. Xavi carefully takes the book and a piece of papper falls on floor. Two things happen after that. First, he sees the cover and the writer's name; Julio Cortázar. And then he kneels down to pick up the paper. Xavi leaves the book on nightstand and unfolds the paper with shaky hands. It's a drawing. His brain finds excuses. Neymar is interested in drawing, right? Maybe he made this. But this does not look like a newbie's job and the worst part is, Xavi saw this signature before. And he also remembers where he saw it for the first time.  

Xavi looks at his husband who is sleeping peacefully, then stares at the paper in his hand. The book. That fucking book.

Sudden interest in drawing.

Lying.

New books. _Books of Messi's favorite writer._

A drawing with Messi's signature.

Xavi takes a deep breath and closes his eyes before placing paper between random pages and turning off the light. He lays on his side of the bed and welcome a sleepless, nightmarish night.

 

 

Most people would find what Messi does ugly and unethical. They would say it is cruel. But none of them are good enough to see Messi's reasons. They would not understand him. Leo can see things that others can't even think about. There is nothing called ethic. This is a limit that cowardish people created for themselves. And Leo has never been afraid to break through the limits. This is why he will break the kid, shatter him to see all the colors until there is nothing left other than black and soul sucking gray.

Leo takes a piece of paper and writes down the next colors as he smiles widely.

_ROJO._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song actually belongs to Tuxedo Moon but it has since been covered for many times till today and my favorite is Nouvelle Vague cover (Martin Gore's is really good too).


	3. NEGRO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Amy Winehouse - Back to Black](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJAfLE39ZZ8)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My English sucks and that's nothing new.

Sergio met Xavi before. Apart from being a successful and reasonable business, he doesn't seem like an art freak, let alone good with words. That doesn't mean he is not a good businessman because, hell yeah, he is. He is one of the bests. But there is no way he wrote or sent this note which Sergio read over and over again. Sergio also doesn't believe that it was Xavi's idea to buy him a painting. Especially  _that_  one. Sergio didn't only meet Xavi but also with his assistant who follows him to everywhere like a lovesick puppy. And Andrew (or Andrés?) definitely seems like a person who can write this note and make enough research to know that Kun loves Leo's paintings. Sergio smirks as he studies the painting.  _Messi_. It amuses him to hear people mention his name with so much respect and admiration. Because he is just Leo, Kun's best friend, that weird little guy who likes bitter chocolate with sea salt and dulce de leche brownies. But it seems like Xavi (or Andrés since he is the one who wrote the note) doesn't know that Sergio is a close friend of Leo's.

And Sergio can't wait to tell this to Leo.

 

 

Xavi kept sleeping next to his husband, who cheated on him, every night without saying anything or getting enough sleep.  

And Neymar kept sleeping with Leo to feed his hunger which comes from his youthfulness.

 

 

Xavi is lost in thoughts lately and Andrés is very aware of it. But to protect the professional relationship between boss and assistant, he didn't say or ask anything. Xavi is not one to lose his temper easily, he always had a nice and friendly relationship with his employees. This side of him is the one people admire most. But somehow Andrés believes that his problem is very personal this time and it would be incredibly rude to ask about it. And Andrés would never dare to hurt Xavi's feelings. This is why he is worried about this meeting between his boss and Agüero. Xavi really wants this partnership and if it doesn't work because Xavi's mind is somewhere else, Andrés knows how bad Xavi will feel about it later.

But Xavi calmly shakes Agüero's hand.

“I am so glad to see you again.” Agüero says with a friendly smile. Andrés can't hear Xavi's answer because they walk to Xavi's room and Andrés tries to follow them quickly.

“Please have a seat. What would you like to drink?” Agüero looks at Andrés.

“I guess expecting you to have mate would be just a wishful thinking?” Andrés' smile reminds him of angels.

“Luckily our chef, Luis, is from Uruguay. Which means we  _always_  have mate.”

“Awesome!” Andrés leaves the room after that and Agüero looks at Xavi.

“By the way, I would like to thank you for your lovely gift. It's beautiful. You really did your research.” Sergio doesn't notice that Xavi's face changes at the mention of the painting. Even thinking about it makes Xavi sick. After finding Messi's drawing in Neymar's book, Xavi thought about asking Andrés to bring it to him and burning it. But Xavi is a professional when it comes to business and it was only a gift for a future business partner.  

“I am glad you liked it. Andrés is a great assistant. He told me that you are fan of Messi's artworks and I couldn't stop myself.” Sergio raises one eyebrow at Andrés who enters the room with a mate and Xavi's favorite, white chocolate mocha. Sergio's eyes follow him until he leaves the room again.

“He really is a great assistant.” Xavi nods proudly. “The truth is, I know Messi since we were both teenagers. When you spend so much time with someone like him, you can not help but admire them, they make you realise how amazing art is.” Xavi raises his eyebrows, look genuinely interested.

“So you know Messi, you know him truly?” The way Sergio mentions him, how his voice reminds Xavi of the sweetest honey in the world when he talks about Messi.. Xavi believes that it's more than just a friendship. Interesting.  

“Yeah. We were in the same high school. Leo.. things were not always easy for him and we had to deal with some problems, sometimes we caused each other problems. But our friendship is stronger than all of these things.” Xavi takes a sip of his mocha.

“Forgive me if I am being forward but.. it sounds like more than just a friendship.” Sergio doesn't look annoyed, he actually smiles.

“Leo and I were always more than friends. But I know what you are trying to say. And yes, Leo has my heart, he will always have a special part of my heart. This thing between us is.. it is special. I can't love anyone like I do love Leo. And my future wife or husband just has to deal with it.” He takes a sip of his mate. “If you met him before, you know how different and special he is. If you really take a look at his painting, you know he is incredible. Leo.. he can see into your soul.”

Xavi is not a bad person. But he is hurt. And as a businessman when he sees an opportunity, he takes it.

“You know what, I think this is just the beginning of a great partnership.” Sergio nods and Xavi eyes him carefully. “I think you should come to my house for dinner tonight and I would like you to meet my husband. Before signing a deal, you should truly know who you are going to work with, right?” Sergio laughs.

“You are really the best businessman I have ever met. Thank you for your invitation, I would like to.”

 

 

Leo takes off his scarf gladly. Unlike everyone else, Leo doesn't like or dream of a white Christmas. Leo loves Argentina during Christmas time, he loves the sun, he loves lying on the grass lazily even though he hates getting tanned. But it doesn't seem possible anymore. Barcelona is cold during Christmas and Argentina is just an old memory now. You know what they say, past is in the past.

Sergio pops a couple of nuts into his mouth and waves at Leo. Leo quickly takes a seat and rubs his hands together. Normally people would enjoy a snowy, cold night at their homes but Barcelona is lively during Christmas and streets are full of people. Leo and Sergio's favorite pub is also crowded tonight. Leo orders 'a glass of vodka, neat' and takes off his jacket.

“Where is Ivan?” Leo rolls his eyes.

“He is with Gerard. Again.” Sergio smirks as waiter serves Leo's drink.

“I would like to talk about it so that I can embarrass him next time I see him but I have another thing to tell you.” Leo takes a sip of his drink and watches his friend curiously.

“You won't believe what happened.” Segio laughs and reaches for his drink. Leo's arms rest on table, he looks around the pub. “Other day, my new business partner, Xavi Hernández, gave me one of your paintings as a gift. He thinks I am a fan of you.” Leo smiles at his friend.

“You are a fan of me.” Sergio shrugs.  

“Maybe I am, maybe I am not.” Leo's eyes wander around the room. He didn't know Xavi and Sergio will work together. It's none of his business anyways. It doesn't affect him. He made his plan and his plan will work eventually. Maybe Sergio being a part of it could make it even better.

“When I told him that I know you, he asked me about our 'relationship'.” Sergio says it like it's totally normal but Leo lifts his head and looks at his friend.

“Yeah?”

“Yes. It was.. weird. Of course I didn't tell him everything. But you know what Pocho says, I have never been good at hiding my feelings for you.” Sergio smiles at Leo but Leo is lost in his thoughts. He doesn't know how it will affect Neymar and Leo's relationship. Leo is not a bad person. He is just an artist, a painter and like every other artist he is the god of his own world. And at some point Leo controls people around him like a god because people are his canvas, his inspiration. That's all.

 

 

If your intention is not bad but the result is still good or bad, is that really mean anything? If you don't mean to hurt anyone but you do eventually, does that make you a bad person? Is there seriously a criterion for good or bad?  

 

 

Gerard runs his hand through his hair and knocks the door once again. After 2 long minutes, finally Ivan opens the door and Gerard wants to make fun of his messy hair but he looks incredibly tired and Gerard decides not to. Gerard walks into the room and closes the door after himself. He looks around and when he realises Leo is not at home, he kisses Ivan on the lips. Ivan's fingers wrap around his biceps but doesn't push or pull him. Gerard pulls back from the kiss and runs his hand through Ivan's hair as he smiles softly. His hair is a mess, he looks older and tired. But he is still the most beautiful man Gerard's ever seen. Well, Gerard is a romantic after all.

“What's wrong babe?” Ivan looks around the room.

“Leo. He has been acting strange lately.” Gerard looks toward the bedroom over Ivan's shoulder but Ivan shakes his head. “He is not at home. He goes walking, you know. But I barely see him nowadays. He always walks, runs or reads.”

“There is nothing strange. Leo does that a lot, time to time. Don't worry. Once he stopped talking to me for a month. I thought he was mad at me! But he was only mad at himself. If he has a problem, he likes to isolate himself.” Ivan shakes his head.

“It's different this time. Leo hates mess, he hates being disorganized but he leaves his clothes on the floor, he doesn't wash his brushes. He acts recklessly. I don't know why but he is more quiet than ever.” Gerard strokes his chin.

“If it is going to make you feel better, I am going to talk to him.” Ivan smiles and wraps his arms around Gerard.

“Thank you.” Gerard runs his hand through his hair and shrugs.

“Leo is my best friend.” His expression changes so fast that Ivan doesn't even notice it until Gerard pushes him against the wall. His back hits the wall and he is trapped between it and Gerard. “Now that you said he is not at home...”

 

 

Xavi looks at his husband, who is trying to find his earring, through the mirror as maid opens the door. Xavi didn't tell Neymar who he invited for dinner. He doesn't know at what stage his relationship with Messi is. He is not sure if Neymar knows Agüero or not and he can't risk it. He wants this to be a huge surprise. Just like the drawing was for Xavi.

“Are you ready? Our guest is here.” Neymar finally finds his earring under the bed and nods.

“I am ready.” Xavi watches Neymar carefully as they go downstairs and meet with Agüero in the hall. But it seems like Neymar doesn't know Agüero. And it's, somehow, better than what Xavi expected.

“Let's sit,” Xavi says and interrupts his husband and Agüero's little chat, “you must be hungry.”

As maids serve the food, Xavi decides it's time to make his first move.

“So, Señor Agüero, my husband showed interest in painting lately.” Xavi watches his husband carefully. Neymar freezes when Xavi mentions his new hobby and Xavi exactly know what that means. "And I want to buy him a painting. Whose wourk I should buy to him?"

“Honey, please, it's not necessary.” Neymar takes a sip of his water, his eyes wandering around the room, not looking at Xavi or Sergio. Xavi smiles sweetly.

“Please, I want to.” Agiero takes a sip of his drink and nods.

“To be honest, I am not a big art freak like most people think I am. After spending so much time with artists, it's hard to not enjoy their talent. Leo's, I mean Messi's, paintings are my favorites. The one you bought for me was also made by him, if you remember.” Xavi looks at his husband.

“Darling, isn't Messi your friend?” Agüero seems interested and Neymar shifts in his chair, uncomfortably.

“Well, I wouldn't say 'friends' but yeah, I met him.”

“Really?” Neymar nods and looks at his plate, staying quiet.

“You must be thinking he is some boring dude who always talks about painters and writers.” Agüero says, smirking. Xavi doesn't say anything, just watching them.

“Actually.. I think he is interesting and no, I don't think he is boring.” Neymar knows Agüero is just joking but it somehow bothered him that he called Messi 'boring'. He doesn't like it when people saying rude things about people he loves.

“Aah, this is how he seduced me, too.” Neymar almost chokes on his drink. Xavi blankly pats him on the back.

“Are you okay, honey?” Neymar only nods. Xavi ignores him as he turns to Agüero. In the meantime, Kun notices tension between the couple. He eyes Xavi carefully and then looks at Neymar who is still coughing. “So, Kun, please tell me more about Messi. He seems.. very interesting. How long have you known him?”

“Very long time.” Sergio shrugs but his eyes are still on Neymar, to make sure he is fine. “We had some problems in the past but we never turn our back on each other.”

“You must be loving each other.. a lot.” Xavi says and without taking his eyes off of his husband. Neymar watches tablecloth and saying nothing. It is okay because Agüero doesn't look at them either. He calmly takes a sip of his vine.

“Of course. It's hard to define our relationship, or tell you what kind of relationship this is. I mean, people, they do not understand. But we love each other a lot, that's true.” Neymar lifts his head, to look at Agüero, to see what he actually means. He feels Xavi's eyes on him and turns his gaze to his husband. Xavi doesn't break eye contact as he speaks.

“It must be a great feeling to know that someone in this world loves you and cares about you more than anything or anyone else.” Neymar gulps but avoids looking down. “To know that whatever happens, he will choose you over anyone else.” Agüero points at Neymar with his fork.

“And you sure do know this feeling. Your husband seems like a great guy.” Neymar doesn't blink but his eyes are so filled with tears that he can barely see his husband's face. Tears don't fall but Xavi's mask does. And for the first time that day, Neymar finally sees Xavi's face truly. Cold and blank. Neymar's eyes grow wide with shock.

“He surely is.”

 

 

Neymar says he doesn't feel very well, that he has a headache and excuses himself to leave the table to go to his room. Agüero asks Xavi if his husband is okay but Xavi shrugs, doesn't say anything and keeps eating. After the dinner, Xavi asks Agüero to stay and have a drink with him. They drink two glasses of wine and finally Agüero says he needs to leave because he has an important meeting tomorrow morning. Xavi walks with him to the door and after that he drinks another glass of wine. He finally decides to go to the bedroom. He finds Neymar standing in front of the window. It seems like he didn't move since he left the table. He probably did not.

“How does it feel like, Neymar? Hmm? Tell me.” Even if Neymar heard Xavi coming into the room, he doesn't look at him. He looks through the window, watching snow slowly fall in the moonlight. After this point, Neymar wants to be honest with him. Xavi is not an idiot and there is a reason for everything he does. And the meaning behind his behaviours tonight is crystal clear. He  _knows_.

Neymar wipes his face and forehead on the sleeve of his sweat.

“This is the worst kind of pain I've ever known.” Corner of Xavi's lips curl up but he is not smiling. It's bitter and painful to look at. Neymar does not anyways.

“Yeah.. Tell me about it.” Neymar closes his eyes and finally, he releases the tears he held back for such a long time. He cries for his own pain, for what he has done to Xavi and guilt. He cries for Xavi's pain and worse, he cries for his still beating heart. He is an idiot.

“I love him.” Neymar's voice is surprisingly strong. He looks at Xavi through the window. His eyes are red but fire burning inside his eyes as he speaks. “I can't give up on him. Maybe, if I really try, then maybe he will love me back.” Xavi laughs loudly and shakes his head angrily at the same time. He walks closer to Neymar.

“Are you stupid?! How can you be that blind?He doesn't love you, he is only using you!” But Neymar does not listen him.

“I know a part of him loves me. He does.” Xavi runs his hand through his hair angrily.

"He will hurt you." Neymar shrugs.

"Like everything you love does."

“I can't believe you are standing in our bedroom and telling me that you love another guy.”

“Our marriage is not a real thing. You know that. You accepted it.” Xavi melodramatically rolls his eyes and laughs once again.

“So you are justifying what you did? Because it gives you right to sleep with another man behind my back?! God, Neymar, I have never tried to stop you or tie you down. But when I was trying to build a home for you, build a relationship and a good marriage between us, you go and..” They don't say anything for a moment. Silence fell over the room like a thick fog.

“Why did you bring him here?” Neymar finally turns back because he needs to look at Xavi. Look into his eyes. Xavi liftes his head like he is challenging Neymar and directly looks into his eyes. This is not something Neymar was used to. Because Xavi's eyes are full of hatred and pain and he looks.. cold.

“I wanted to hurt you. I wanted to hurt you so bad. I wanted you to feel what I felt when I found out.”

“You did.”

“Good.”

 

 

“Look who is here.” Leo turns another page before looking up at Gerard, who is standing in front of him like a huge tree. Gerard watches him, hands buried in his pockets. Leo waits for him to say something but Gerard does not and Leo goes back to his book. Gerard finally sits next to him on the bench. “What are you doing here, huh?”

Leo doesn't say anything, just lifts his book.

“Okay..” Gerard sits there without saying anything for a while. First 5 minutes he plays some stupid game on his phone, then he decides this silence is too much for him. Leo, on the hand, reads his book in completely silence. It's Leo's favorite time of the day. He can hear the birds chirping or kids laughing. It's peaceful. A young, blonde woman runs around the park. She is wearing a purple tracksuit top and a dark grey leggings. She has a dark grey cap. Gerard watches her calmly before turning to Leo.

“Will you not talk to me?” Leo answers without taking his eyes off the book.

“You are the one who came here. And obviously you were not passing by. You should say something, not me.” Gerard sighs. Sometimes Leo is impossible.

“Ivan is worried about you, buddy. And to be honest, I, too, am.” Leo doesn't get mad at him as Gerard expected.

“I am not the one you should be worried about.” Gerard raises an eyebrow and looks at the man who is supposed to be his best friend but still a mystery to him. He sees the blonde woman again. She comes closer this time and Gerard can hear the song she is listening.

He doesn't get what Leo meant.

But he will.

Soon.

 

 

Gerard likes to spend a peaceful day at his office more than anything else. Working is not a problem for him, it is not tiring or boring. Gerard likes being occupied but he doesn't like it when someone tells him what to do. And when you are the boss (like Gerard is), this is far from being a problem.

But Gerard, unfortunately, won't be having a peaceful evening.

When he enters the building next day, his assistans informs him that Neymar came and he is waiting Gerard in his room. Under normal circumstances, Gerard would like to spend some time with Neymar. But lately he is feeling a tension between Leo and Neymar and he is not happy about it. And Neymar doesn't seems like he is in a good mood either. He is standing in front of the window and Gerard can't see his face but still knows that something is troubling him.

“It is good to see you here, Ney.” Neymar doesn't say anything but nods. Gerard takes a deep breath, noticing it won't be an easy or fun conversation. He places his handbag on the desk and sits down. He eyes Neymar as he finds documents and papers in his bag. It seems like Neymar is standing on the same spot for more than 15 minutes.

“Leo..” Gerard looks up at him. He's not expecting Neymar to say anything. Especially not about Leo. “He makes a habit of breaking people's hearts, no?” Gerard has a bad feeling. Neymar is just standing there with an untouched cup of coffee and looking through the window. His eyes are following raindrops on window. Gerard shifts in his leather chair uncomfortably. He nervously cleares his throat. He doesn't know where their converstation is heading but Gerard knows it won't end well.

“Leo.. he is not a bad person, okay?” Neymar smirks sarcastically but he doubts Gerard can see his reflection on the window.

“Really? Because his behaviours say otherwise.”

“Look, I do not know what you are talking about but you do not know anything about Leo.” Neymar finally turns to Gerard and looks into his shiny blue eyes. “And where did you get this idea?”

“Tell me then.” Neymar ignores Gerard's question. Gerard breaks the eye contact and looks at his papers.

“It's not up to me.” Neymar angrily walks to his desk and stands in front of him. It is like, now they changed roles. This time Gerard looks up at Neymar.

“You are keep saying this but no one else tells me anything. Then you do. I want to know. Prove me Leo is not the devil.” Gerard frowns at Xavi's once so young and cheerful husband. He looks so tired and old now.

“What do you want to know, Ney? Why do you even care? How will it affect if you Leo is an angel or a devil?” Neymar shifts comfortably and avoids looking at Gerard.

“I just want to know, I need to know.” Gerard sighs, he doesn't look angry anymore. He closes his eyes and opens again before speaking.

“It was not easy for Leo, okay? I will feel like a jerk for doing this but if you really wonder, I will tell you.” Neymar looks at him expectedly. “I know before I met Leo, his life was not so good. Learning this” He looks at Neymar, “took me so long unlike you. Leo is not someone who can open up his heart easily. He is not good at talking about his problems or emotions. He has a great control over his emotions though, it's called emotional intelligence.” Neymar wants him to stop this lecture and tell him everything but telling this would be rude and he is afraid that Gerard would decide to not to tell him. “Anyways, I know before coming to Barcelona, he was living in Rosario. He is very fond of his mother. His brothers and sister, too. But I can't say the same thing about his father. According to what I've heard, Leo was a great footballer. He was a natural born genius. It was only a hobby for him but he was so good that he was signed by Newell's. It is a big club in Argentina with a good youth section. And everyone was sure that Leo has a great future there. But then Leo met Cintia.” Neymar raises his eyebrows.

“He fell in love?” Gerard rolls his eyes.

“Not everything is that simple or romance novel-like, Neymar. Stop interrupting me.” Neymar lifts his hand as he apologizes. “Anyway.. When Leo met Cintia, he was so lonely. He had no friends and it was his own decision. He was putting distance between himself and others and his mother, Celia, was worried about him. So Celia was happy about this friendship between Leo and her friend's daughter, Cintia, who was going to same school with Leo. Leo doesn't talk a lot about Cintia but as far as I know, they had great time together. He keeps saying Cintia was a great person and an amazing friend and that he didn't deserve her friendship.. or anyone else's. It took me so long to change his mind. Anyway, thanks to Cintia, Leo discovered his passion; painting. Cintia wanted to become a painter and go to an acedemy of fine arts in Europe. Buenos Aires is one of the biggest art capitals in the world and Leo offered her to live in Buenos Aires together. But Cintia was determined to go to Europe, she didn't want to live with her family. Leo accepted it. They spent a lot time together, sitting around the parks or gardens, drawing flowers and everything else. Leo skipped some trainings and his coach finally called his father. Leo's father was mad because he knew Leo had a great potential of becoming the new Maradona and Jorge, Leo's father, wanted his son to become a footballer. They argued that night. His father locked him in the basement. Leo spent whole night in that dark, cold and dirty room. Next day his father opened the door and tried take him to training but Leo told him he doesn't want to be a footballer, that he loves panting. Jorge went crazy and told him he can ruin his life but he has responsibilities to this family. He forced Leo but you know how stubborn he is, right? Then Jorge..” Gerard takes a deep breath and looks at his hand. Neymar is watching him curiously but Gerard doesn't know how to continue. “Well, he left his mark on Leo. Literally.” Neymar's eyes grow wider. When they were having sex, he noticed some marks on Leo's back but everyone has theirs, right? Sometimes you fall from a tree or fight with others kids in the school. Neymar has them too. But this.. What Gerard means is totally different.

“What? How? I mean-”

“It's not important. Not anymore.” Gerard doesn't look at him. “Leo stayed in bed for days. After the 3rd day, Cintia came to his room because she was so worried and they made a plan to run away from home. And they did. They ran away. Leo never told me the whole story. Actually Kun knows it better than me. Anyway, Cintia and Leo came to Europe and as  _you_  know, it's not easy. And it was not, I don't know the details but I know that they suffered for weeks and that Jorge went crazy again. But as I told you before, Leo is very fond of his mother. So he called her. Celia, unlike Jorge, wanted his son to live the way he wants. And she didn't tell Jorge that Leo called her. She secretly kept sending him money for years. And above all, she convinced Jorge not to go to police.”

“Was it that easy? I mean, according to the story, he is an obsessed jerk. Did he let Leo go that easily?” Gerard raises his eyebrow.

“Do you know what would happen to him if he went to police, they found him and all the marks on his back? Jorge let him leave but not because he cares about his son. But because he would get in trouble. Later Leo's second brother, Matias, tried football but after a serious injury, Jorge's hand left empty again.” Gerard smiles like he is remembering a sweet memory. “I only met Celia once. But I know her enough to know that she is a great person. She did everything to give Leo want he wants, the life he wants.” Gerard lifts his head to look at Neymar curiously. “2 years later, he met Kun.” Neymar does everything control his expression. “Kun, Cintia and Leo liked each other and became close friends. Especially Kun and Leo, they had a romantic relationship but it's not that important. Kun was not like others, his life was planned by his family even before he was born. He was going to make a lot of money and have a perfect life. Unlike Leo and Cintia, Kun loved this idea. This life style that his parents planned for him. But it didn't stop him from going adventures with Cintia and Leo. One day they all went to Pont del Diable to take photos. Cintia climbed on top of the stone chapel. It was a snowy day and she slipped and fell into Llobregat. Water level was not so high but her neck was broken. There was no chance for her. Leo wanted to search around to find her. Water was cold and Kun knew Cintia was already dead. He didn't want to lose another friend so he did everything to stop Leo from going into the water. Leo didn't forget it. It took him so long to forgive Kun. Leo was thinking that if Kun didn't stop him back then, he could save Cintia. But it was not true and Kun did the right thing. It was 6 months before I met them.”

Neymar takes a deep breath. He thought he was ready to hear the whole story but no, he was not. And Gerard keeps talking.

“Leo is not like other people. He thinks differently, he lives differently. Leo has an approach to the world very different from the rest of us.” Gerard looks at Neymar to see if he understands him. “But that doesn't make him a bad person.”

“Kun and Leo..” Neymar doesn't know how to continue. “How can they still be, you know, after this-”

“Kun never turns his back on Leo. And Leo wouldn't either.” Gerard interrupts him. “Not only because he feels bad for him or he is madly in love with him. They could kill each other but they would never turn their backs on each other.”

Neymar nods quietly as he wonders what it feels like to have someone you can trust and love so much without feeling guilty.

Door opens quickly and Gerard's expression when he sees Ivan's blond head is the perfect answer for Neymar's question.

 

 

Leo played with him maybe, Xavi tried to break his heart by inviting Agüero but even though he is not aware of it, none of them hurt Neymar like Gerard did. Gerard gave him hope. Let him think that Leo is broken and that Neymar can solve all their problems with love.  

 

 

Leo stubs out his cigarette as he opens a new tab on Google Chrome. He is sitting on the floor of his room. Lately, he has been having trouble falling asleep and as a person who finds hospitals and doctors annoying and disgusting, he decided to find a solution on the internet. Leo seriously would prefer to die alone instead of going to a hospital. To be honest, Leo doesn't plan to make any effort even if he is seriously illness. If he gets really sick, he would refuse to get a treatment. But he is wondering. He read a lot of books and watched so many movies on insomnia. And Leo finds it interesting. He could ask Ivan instead of wasting time on the internet. Ivan knows a lot of things about psychology and medicine for someone who dropped out of college 2 years before getting his econometrics degree. Leo would prefer him to read more important and useful books. Like Sartre's.

When door bell rings, Leo doesn't want to answer. If it was Ivan, he would use his keys. Ivan is too organised to lose his keys. And he left home only an hour ago and Gerard would not let him leave that easily.

But someone knocks the door... Again and again and Leo finally gives up. Leo carefully places his laptop on the couch and gets up. When he opens the door, he sees Neymar and he knows he was not supposed to be surprised but he is. He knows Sergio went to their house last night. Thinking about how interested Xavi was in Leo and Sergio's relationship, he sure does know this thing between Leo and Neymar. He probably planned everything. Leo can't believe Kun didn't notice it. But he was never the brightest bulb in the box.

When Leo looks at Neymar's face, he just knows it's not an ordinary day where they spend their time together or have sex. Neymar walks into the kitchen and Leo follows him. He is not worried, or scared. He is just curious.

“Do you want some coffee?” Leo asks but Neymar eyes him, checking him from head to toe. He looks puzzled but Leo cannot be sure. He can't read Neymar and this is one of the reasons he is interested in him. Neymar is like a flower and Leo wants to rip off all the flower petals to see what is under this charming and breathtaking colors.

“Why did you choose me?” Leo raises an eyebrow. “Why did you show interest in me?” Yeah, this is not the reaction Leo was expecting.

“Sorry?” Neymar seems like he is talking to himself. He is not looking at Leo as he speaks.

“This never made any sense to me. That you showed interest in me. You and I.. we are so different and I am not even like you. And.. why? Why did you choose me? And why did you make me.. feel these things?” Leo takes a deep breath before running his hand through his hair.

“Because I was wondering.” Neymar narrows his eyes and finally looks at Leo.

“Wondering what?”

“You. Your soul, your youthfulness, your feelings and your thoughts. Everything about you.” Neymar's face softens and he suddenly look like he is going to cry any time soon.

“So you just.. played with me?” For a second, Leo notices his eyes shining with tears but Neymar lowers his head and avoids eye contact.

“I am sorry.” Leo clears his throat, his face softens too and he looks uncomfortable. But he is still honest. Too honest. He is always like that. “My intention was not breaking your heart. Well, maybe it was. I don't know and I don't want to lie to you. But I have never.. Anyway, it is not important anymore. But I just want you to know that I didn't want this to happen. Not like this.” Neymar lifts his head. He is not hiding his tears anymore.

“Did you ever love me?”

““I loved your body. I loved spending time with you. You were my inspiration. You excited me.” Leo directly looks into his eyes. “But I do not love you.”

Leo's intention is not breaking Neymar's heart.

But he did.

Everything he says hurt Neymar. Like a dagger in his heart. There was a time when he was admiring Leo's honesty. Not anymore. It just hurts him now.

“I am not ready to lose you.” Leo smiles, it is warm and real but also sad.

“You never had me, how can you lose me?” Neymar looks at him miserably. He has to do something, he can't let this happen. He is so close to Leo that he can't him leave like this. Neymar moves fastly, wraps his arms around Leo's torso and buries his head in the crook of Leo's neck. His eyes are closed and eyelashes are still wet.

“Don't. I can do this.” Neymar's voice is weak and strong at the same time. He threw his pride away for his love and now he is begging. “I can heal your wounds.” Leo gently but distinctly pushes him away. Neymar looks at Leo's face as Leo takes a step back. Leo smiles again but Neymar doesn't like it this time. There is something.. off.

“You can't fix me because I am not broken.” Suddenly his smile fades. “So stop believing in fairy tales. Stop thinking that I am a lonely soul that need to be saved. We won't hug and heal each other. We won't whisper sweet words as we make love.” Leo's face softens and his angry expression replaced by a sad one. “You are young. Way too young. What do you even know about love? Hmm? You will find someone else.” Neymar wipes his tears away. Now it's his turn to be angry.

“You keep saying that. But how do you know that I can't love you? Because I do. I do love you! How can you not understand? I would prefer to die instead of letting you go.”

“See, this is exactly what I am talking about.” Leo says. “Your only knowledge about love is coming from teen romance novels. But true love is more complicated than that.” Leo stops for a second and Neymar watches him. “Love is not only about commiting to someone, not wanting them. The real love is respecting and understanding their desires. Love is putting someone else's needs before yours. But you are standing here and telling me that you want me, like a spoiled kid. You don't want me because you love me. No, you want me because you know you can't have me. You find me different. Interesting. Like a bright light for a bug. I am catching your attention and you want me, you want to reach me. But a bug does not love the light. It is obsession, curiousity and a power that almost hypnotizes you. But that is not love. You don't love me. You lvoe the idea of loving me.” Neymar stands there and says nothing. Because he doesn't know what to stay. Leo stands up. “I can't give you what you want, Neymar. Because even you don't know what you want.” He points at the door. “I think it is time for you to leave.”

So does Neymar.

 

 

 When Xavi hears the door open and shut again, he stands up quickly and looks toward the porch. Neymar didn't talk to him after their little fight and he left the house before Xavi woke up this morning. And Xavi was worried. But now he sees Neymar quickly passes hall and walking towards stairway. Xavi can't decide if he should go after him or just stay and wait here. He thought about letting him deal with his own problems. That would be the best for everyone. But he is still worried and he still cares about Neymar and.. And he goes after him. Even before he enters their bedroom, he can hear Neymar's footsteps.

 “Neymar?” Xavi opens the door and finds Neymar folding his clothes. There is an open suitcase on the bed and Xavi suddenly feels sick. “What are you doing? You can still stay here. You know I don't mind.” Neymar stays still for a second before folding another sweatshirt. He shakes his head as he places it into the suitcase.

 “No but thank you.” Xavi sighs and walks toward him.  

 “You have nowhere to go.” Neymae shrugs.

 “When I first came to Barcelona, I didn't even know you. You weren't there to protect me back then. I can take care of myself.” Xavi grasps Neymar's arm and stops him.

 “I am not mad at you. If this is what you think. And you don't owe me aything. You were right. This marriage is not real and when I invited you to this house, I accepted it. You can't just leave like this. Stay here. I don't ask for anything. I just need to know that you are okay.” Neymar blinks and tears slowly fall down.

 “Xavi, oh Xavi.. you are such an amazing person. You are so good.” He looks at the suitcase. “But there is a thin line between good and bad. If you keep me here, you won't do me any good. I know you think you will but that is not true. You are a good person. But good people never get what they want.” Xavi is so surprised that Neymar easily pulls his arm free from his grip. He zips his suitcase and smiles at Xavi for the last time. “I am not what you need. And you are not what I need either. But I still want to thank you. You have been so good to me.”

 Neymar does not wait for Xavi's response. He goes downstairs and looks around the house which has been a home for him for the last time. He leaves his keys on dinner table before closing the door after himself. He once came into this house as a scared, lonely and sad little boy. Now he is leaving it as a lonely, sad but a brave young man.

 

 

 

_In Sheakespeare's The Tempest, Caliban is a character who lives in the island. He is uneducated, clueless. He shows everything to Prospero but in the end, he can't escape from becoming Prospero's servant. Prospero has magic. This power comes from the books he brought with himself. One day Prospero saves Ariel who was captured and imprisoned in a tree by Caliban's mother. And he makes a deal with her. Caliban, to balance everything, wants Miranda but Prospero doesn't let him have her. He locks Caliban in a cage. Interestingly, in the end of everything, everyone other than Caliban are forgiven. Caliban is left alone in the island. Everyone goes back to their homes happily._

 

_So who do you think is the Caliban?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God, I can't believe it's over. Sorry for being too late but university is killing me. Thanks for reading, leaving kudos and comments :)

**Author's Note:**

> Xavi is older than 35 here and Leo and Gerard are around 24-25 because I sent Cesc to uni (it took him so long to graduate from highschool no judgement) and they are all at same age.


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